Well, here we are. My mother and I, off on a wild adventure. An hour and a half drive. In the car. Alone. With my mother. BESTROADTRIPEVER!!!!
Soundtrack: razia's shadow. :-*
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, February 17, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Life is mellow in the great land of Izzania. Well, of course it would be mellow if the izzanians would make up their minds. It's either "Oh no, I'm so lonely! I need someone to snuggle with," or "why am I getting close to you? I don't even like you that much," The latter thought snuck into my mind when I was hanging out with pocket over the weekend. He's just so easy to lead on, because he's always there. I feel so empowered that I can just snap my fingers and his heart would be a little dead puddle on the floor. Oh, I'm so bad! I've never quite felt the thrill of malice.
I just adore the problems one creates for oneself. It's all in the mind, I assure you, we're just too caught up in the excitement that we don't care to look at the bigger picture. I rejoice in this mess of overdramatic partying, mostly because I told myself I wouldn't get mixed up in such petty things, but now I understand why people purposely throw themselves into the skirmishes that take place every which way. It fills the days. Days of which I've spent glaring at mr. Brown who thinks he has the audacity to go out with my "Jane," she's had three boyfriends since summer ended and it's driving me up the wall. And it doesn't help to know that "Marcus" and miss Gracey are having a wonderful time.
Speaking of "Marcus," I had the most nicest conversation with him while walking to my mother's automobile. Once when I passed him on such a trip he simply made a face at me and made me laugh, but this time, this time he said, "hey,"
And I responded with a "hey," back. He asked me how it was going and I told him it was going good. He then proceeded to inform me about how much he liked my purple sneakers and socks with rainbow dragonflies on them. I might've exploded just a little, and not just in my heart.
On the other side of my brain is D, who has finally confessed his feelings for me and told me he can't be with me because I could do so much better and that he is jealous of himself and wants to wage . . war . . . Against himself? something like that. The prick can't make up his mind and yet he has me Melting at the knees. Funny, I distinctly recall typing that I couldn't make up my mind either. How alike we are, it was destined to be. I just have to nag some more courage into the boy and he'll be stuck with me forever. The happiness fountain won't stop gushing!!
Now to more medically important matters. It seems that screaming at your glee club cause you to lose your voice in such a way that your director won't let you perform your lines during your one scene in the rehearsals for west side story. Huh, who knew right? My remedy is gulping down flavored acids, eating ice cream, and carrying around a whiteboard so I don't have to talk to people. Oh how I hate people, they are all after my oboe I know it!
Now before you suggest it, yes, I have thought about therapy. Until next time my little doves :-*
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I just adore the problems one creates for oneself. It's all in the mind, I assure you, we're just too caught up in the excitement that we don't care to look at the bigger picture. I rejoice in this mess of overdramatic partying, mostly because I told myself I wouldn't get mixed up in such petty things, but now I understand why people purposely throw themselves into the skirmishes that take place every which way. It fills the days. Days of which I've spent glaring at mr. Brown who thinks he has the audacity to go out with my "Jane," she's had three boyfriends since summer ended and it's driving me up the wall. And it doesn't help to know that "Marcus" and miss Gracey are having a wonderful time.
Speaking of "Marcus," I had the most nicest conversation with him while walking to my mother's automobile. Once when I passed him on such a trip he simply made a face at me and made me laugh, but this time, this time he said, "hey,"
And I responded with a "hey," back. He asked me how it was going and I told him it was going good. He then proceeded to inform me about how much he liked my purple sneakers and socks with rainbow dragonflies on them. I might've exploded just a little, and not just in my heart.
On the other side of my brain is D, who has finally confessed his feelings for me and told me he can't be with me because I could do so much better and that he is jealous of himself and wants to wage . . war . . . Against himself? something like that. The prick can't make up his mind and yet he has me Melting at the knees. Funny, I distinctly recall typing that I couldn't make up my mind either. How alike we are, it was destined to be. I just have to nag some more courage into the boy and he'll be stuck with me forever. The happiness fountain won't stop gushing!!
Now to more medically important matters. It seems that screaming at your glee club cause you to lose your voice in such a way that your director won't let you perform your lines during your one scene in the rehearsals for west side story. Huh, who knew right? My remedy is gulping down flavored acids, eating ice cream, and carrying around a whiteboard so I don't have to talk to people. Oh how I hate people, they are all after my oboe I know it!
Now before you suggest it, yes, I have thought about therapy. Until next time my little doves :-*
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Here we are again.
I know my father's footsteps. When he walks he drags his feet, slightly. Most likely due to his hurt knee. And he walks down the stairs like a normal person, and he leans on the rail with his hand. The children don't walk down the stairs like normal people. They hop in a rhythm. 1,2--1,2--1,2.
I need a motivation. An Inspiration. It is what I wish for at 11:11 in the evening. That and that D and "Marcus" and "Jane" could all fall madly in love with me. Any one of them would do, for if it were all at the same time I pray that they don't mind sharing a bed. I need to be motivated and inspired to become a professional oboist. Or at least enough to continuously practice on a daily basis. That, as well as piano, french, roller-skating, singing lessons start in January, and of course, Blogging.
I actually made a video log the other day when I was home alone for three hours. It was concluded at one hour, forty minutes and has been edited down to maybe sixteen at the most (I'm not sure, I'm not exactly done with it). I have trouble with editing videos. Always reluctant to delete moments of me.
I won't give you any details of what happened in the magical land of Izzania while I was away galavanting in it, all I'll say is that my christmas was wonderful and that I can now sit in the middle of my room wearing a top hat and rummage through an old, vintage trunk to find that fascinator that I locked in there. The key is on my key ring along with a picture of Grell. Anyone who caught that reference can scream "Yahtzee!"
My soon-to-come topics of posting may include more obsessions, celebrity crushes, and the problems that I create in my head daily, because hidden deep in the conscious is the desire to spark conflict. Look forward to it, because I know you all are religiously checking up on my blog every hour.
Until next time my turtledoves :-*
Monday, October 10, 2011
My own big bang theory
Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode. Not the good kind of explosion that I get from something that I like and receiving a small, pleasant joy from it. This is a much bigger explosion that has many contributors.
Fuel is added when a hear someone my age complaining about or publicizing their hate for their family or life. When someone comes to me for help and I lie to them saying that I understand when I don't, because none of this has ever happened to me before. When someone (someone who has it rough) says that my life is perfect and I don't have the right to tell them it's not because it would just lead to a who-has-the-worst-life contest which I never win. When Ben willingly joins the herd of dragons that he is usually fighting when he isn't around. When I sit in my room and try not to suffocate from all the disappointment and annoyance and irritation and sadness that forms in a black cloud of smoke above an argument my parents are having with my brother that has me pacing around the room muttering "shut up, just shut up!" under my breath as if they can hear me.
When suddenly a B isn't good enough anymore. When I find myself sitting in sixth period concert band, staring at a boy playing the clarinet and am almost brought to tears as I think about how unreal our present time is, how we all developed such things on such a tiny planet, and if I think beyond that planet I am scared.
When my friends would rather I have straight hair then curly. When the world's problems come into view and my own mind becomes small and petty because there is nothing in those arguments that I can understand, and someone's rebuttal is always going to be better than my points as I try to make sense of what I believe. When I figure out that things take time. When one of my talents is understanding death without tears and the other is making people uncomfortable for my own amusement. When I am thrust into the middle of a clashing war not knowing what side to take or if I should take a side at all, and all I want to do is roll all the coins I have collected and save up enough money to buy my brother a house so that he can get as far away from our mother as he can because I know that's what he wants right now, he just needs someone to do it for him. And I know that mother thinks it's best he live on his own too no matter how much she doubts he'll be able to survive, but it's better then shooting him that's for sure.
When Zoe watches a tv show without me. When she lives for justice to be served for her when the dishes have to be done and the dining room cleaned, and she has already done her part so someone else should do the rest to keep it fair. When I say something brutally honest to her and she repeats the gesture though she doesn't mean it, just to make things equal. When she talks back to the parents because she'd rather have a voice in the matter then be left in the corner to watch this family collapse on top of us like the houses in San Francisco during the 1906 earthquake.
I fear for the future so that gives me the excuse to exaggerate it, because god damnit! The sky is freaking falling on top of me and all I can do is hope someone will catch it before I'm stuck beneath it, refusing to be crushed but not willing to do anything.
And when I look at my explosion inside of me I am not ashamed to think about leaving this life in this town and going off to live as someone else.
When I was little I would lie in bed at night and remember the things that embarrassed me most in the past. My reaction back then was to squirm in my covers until I thought of something else. That soon evolved into me grabbing at the air as if to strangle the invisible beast who brought on these thoughts. Then came the gun I made with my fingers, because threatening must work better then strangling which didn't work at all. Then the words, "I killed a man, I killed him, and he died," would pass over my lips as if I was back In school playing the who-has-the-worst-life game, except this time it's with myself and everyone knows that killing someone is a bigger thing to think about than a stupid moment that embarrassed you. But not even that works. I'm starting to mutter during the day, not just at night, but when I want to keep silent I snap my fingers In an anxious and fidgeting manner.
I wouldn't be surprised if I was going insane, in fact I'd be a bit glad, because according to Alice all the best people are. and one day I'll graduate big school and be able to leave this life in this town, and after I've learned all I've wanted to learn I'll move into a big house and house boarders who are as equally insane so that I am never alone at the tea table when Halloween comes around and the rabbit with the eggs suddenly realizes how late he actually is, but he won't mind, he'll be just as lazy as the rest of the people I know and spare the task for next year.
we'll postpone all our big events because our cousins have birthdays and ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind which is exactly the reason why mother fights with Ben.
Sense is in the making my little wild flowers until next time :-*
-posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Fuel is added when a hear someone my age complaining about or publicizing their hate for their family or life. When someone comes to me for help and I lie to them saying that I understand when I don't, because none of this has ever happened to me before. When someone (someone who has it rough) says that my life is perfect and I don't have the right to tell them it's not because it would just lead to a who-has-the-worst-life contest which I never win. When Ben willingly joins the herd of dragons that he is usually fighting when he isn't around. When I sit in my room and try not to suffocate from all the disappointment and annoyance and irritation and sadness that forms in a black cloud of smoke above an argument my parents are having with my brother that has me pacing around the room muttering "shut up, just shut up!" under my breath as if they can hear me.
When suddenly a B isn't good enough anymore. When I find myself sitting in sixth period concert band, staring at a boy playing the clarinet and am almost brought to tears as I think about how unreal our present time is, how we all developed such things on such a tiny planet, and if I think beyond that planet I am scared.
When my friends would rather I have straight hair then curly. When the world's problems come into view and my own mind becomes small and petty because there is nothing in those arguments that I can understand, and someone's rebuttal is always going to be better than my points as I try to make sense of what I believe. When I figure out that things take time. When one of my talents is understanding death without tears and the other is making people uncomfortable for my own amusement. When I am thrust into the middle of a clashing war not knowing what side to take or if I should take a side at all, and all I want to do is roll all the coins I have collected and save up enough money to buy my brother a house so that he can get as far away from our mother as he can because I know that's what he wants right now, he just needs someone to do it for him. And I know that mother thinks it's best he live on his own too no matter how much she doubts he'll be able to survive, but it's better then shooting him that's for sure.
When Zoe watches a tv show without me. When she lives for justice to be served for her when the dishes have to be done and the dining room cleaned, and she has already done her part so someone else should do the rest to keep it fair. When I say something brutally honest to her and she repeats the gesture though she doesn't mean it, just to make things equal. When she talks back to the parents because she'd rather have a voice in the matter then be left in the corner to watch this family collapse on top of us like the houses in San Francisco during the 1906 earthquake.
I fear for the future so that gives me the excuse to exaggerate it, because god damnit! The sky is freaking falling on top of me and all I can do is hope someone will catch it before I'm stuck beneath it, refusing to be crushed but not willing to do anything.
And when I look at my explosion inside of me I am not ashamed to think about leaving this life in this town and going off to live as someone else.
When I was little I would lie in bed at night and remember the things that embarrassed me most in the past. My reaction back then was to squirm in my covers until I thought of something else. That soon evolved into me grabbing at the air as if to strangle the invisible beast who brought on these thoughts. Then came the gun I made with my fingers, because threatening must work better then strangling which didn't work at all. Then the words, "I killed a man, I killed him, and he died," would pass over my lips as if I was back In school playing the who-has-the-worst-life game, except this time it's with myself and everyone knows that killing someone is a bigger thing to think about than a stupid moment that embarrassed you. But not even that works. I'm starting to mutter during the day, not just at night, but when I want to keep silent I snap my fingers In an anxious and fidgeting manner.
I wouldn't be surprised if I was going insane, in fact I'd be a bit glad, because according to Alice all the best people are. and one day I'll graduate big school and be able to leave this life in this town, and after I've learned all I've wanted to learn I'll move into a big house and house boarders who are as equally insane so that I am never alone at the tea table when Halloween comes around and the rabbit with the eggs suddenly realizes how late he actually is, but he won't mind, he'll be just as lazy as the rest of the people I know and spare the task for next year.
we'll postpone all our big events because our cousins have birthdays and ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind which is exactly the reason why mother fights with Ben.
Sense is in the making my little wild flowers until next time :-*
-posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Finding leaders for Dragonboat: a text
Rach: Will u support me if I was team manager for dfy?
Izzy: HELL YES
Rach: gr8! can u nominate me on fb?
Izzy: ok
Rach: thx!!!! when can u do it?
Izzy: L8er
Rach: k thz soo much!
Izzy: Of course
Rach: u wanna me to nominate u 4 head captain?? eheh
Izzy: O.o . . . No
Rach: Aww r u sure
Izzy: Do I look like a head captain to you?
Rach: psst u can be if u believe!
Izzy: Rachel, I'm going to stop replying
Rach: y? do u hate me?
Izzy: bye Rachel
Rach: Ur sooo mean!
Rach: Im gonna spam u now
Rach: im gonna spam u now (x20)
Friday, September 30, 2011
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